Conflict In Your Relationship_ How The Gottman Method Seeks To Resolve It
Whether we want to admit it or not, our relationships are not perfect. Movies, TV shows, and even your friends or family may lead you to believe that a relationship is doomed at the first sign of conflict. However, I want to assure you that that is not the case.
Every couple goes through rough patches. Romantic relationships can be tumultuous, and there is no reason to throw in the proverbial towel over a few arguments. The Gottman Method is a type of couples counseling or relationship therapy aiming to help mend your and your partner’s relationship. If you are interested in learning more about this type of counseling, keep reading.
What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is a specific type of couple’s counseling developed by Drs. John and Julia Gottman. This type of therapy utilizes a specific structure that aims to help couples build their Sound Relationship House theory. This proverbial house details nine different components every successful relationship should have.
Gottman Method Structure
The Gottman Method is divided into three main categories: assessment, therapeutic framework, and intervention. I will help to break these categories down for you below.
● Assessment: This is typically the first therapy session. It will begin with the couple together then individual sessions apart from one another. From here, your therapist will be able to determine areas they can help you and your partner in.
● Therapeutic Structure: Both you and your therapist will work together to determine what your therapy sessions will look like, how long they will last, and how often they occur.
● Therapeutic Interventions: This is the portion where most of the “heavy lifting” is done. You will work as a couple and individually with your therapist to work in three areas of your relationship: friendship, conflict management, and sharing meaning as a couple.
The Sound Relationship House
The core idea of the Gottman Method is the Sound Relationship House. Dr. Gottman prefers to imagine a relationship as a strongly built house. There are foundations, walls, and different floors. However, you cannot get to the top level of the home before building a strong foundation.
The broad breakdown of the Sound Relationship House include:
● Foundation and walls are made of trust and commitment
● Floor one: build love maps, or know one another
● Floor two: share fondness and admiration
● Floor three: turn toward one another
● Floor four: adopt a positive perspective
● Floor five: manage conflict
● Floor six: make your dream lives come true
● Floor seven: create shared meaning
When utilizing the Gottman Method, your therapist will help you to explore each of the aspects of a Sound Relationship Home and how you can achieve these together. I encourage you to explore more aspects of the Sound Relationship Home to see how it can apply to you and your relationship.
Who can benefit
When it comes to the Gottman Method, almost any couple can benefit. Part of Dr. Gottman’s methodology is categorizing relationship conflict into two categories: resolvable or perpetual. The resolvable type is one that can be fixed and will not pop up again. A perpetual conflict is one that will be a part of the rest of your relationship in one form or another.
Dr. John Gottman says that over two-thirds of conflict in a relationship is perpetual, and these couples with this type of conflict are who can benefit from the Gottman Method the most. You may be a part of a couple experiencing a perpetual conflict if you find yourself frequently discussing:
Money or financial issues
Poor communication
Emotional distance
At the end of the day, therapy can be beneficial to any couple that seeks it. The most important part is that you and your partner are coming from a place and love and respect to better your relationship. If you are interested in experiencing the Gottman Method, please feel free to reach out to my practice today.